How to be the authentic man or woman (that I am) in a relationship

Essentially within each of us there is male and female and when worked in harmony life flows and prospers in a smooth and joyful way. Whilst there is more to say to explain the phenomenal power in using the male and female, this article focuses on one core behaviour any man or woman can do which will activate the natural flow of universal prosperity.

All life on Earth is a metaphor. Everything was designed to have a specific function. Nature has provided the ground rules but because we have not observed their importance and lived in alignment with the gold in its teaching, human behaviour has becomed more and more messed up.

As I write in 2010 we have access to just about any luxury we can dream up but very few people are truly happy. Regardless of how much money they earn, how much knowledge they acquire and how much stuff they own, they are far from happy.

The natural GPS in a loving and committed relationship

Men and women were naturally created to provide a function that contributes to a joyful result namely that the 'female' is nurturer and the 'male' is provider and protector. Whilst you may say that you observe this, it is actually an illusion! Women nurture because they need it and men protect and provide because they need it. In other words...

• a woman needs self esteem, she needs to feel loved, appreciated and cared for; and
• a man needs to feel safe and secure.

The reality of life is such that our experience becomes what we think and feel about and vice versa, we can think and feel what we are doing. That said, f we are involved in actively nuturing we become nurtured and likewise if we are actively involved in security and providing for then we become safe and secure.

A relationship is a team dynamic and like any great team if each person does what they are good at then success will ensue for both... it's science.

In practical terms what does this mean for me and my partner?

Regardless of your cirumstances or whether your relationship 'looks' like the conventional model of what a relationship looks like (i.e. woman as mother and house keeper and father as going out to put bread on the table), if the following behaviours are maintained, whatever you need from the relationship 'as individuals' can be realised.

Women

A woman needs to practice nurturing her partner. She needs to compliment him, congratulate him, support him to feel a strong sense of self esteem and help him feel 'cared for and appreciated'. Whether that means telling him he is doing a great job, or cooking him his favourite dinner or expressing how much you love the way he puts his shoes away every night... how handsome he looks.... whatever... this behaviour affirms its importance to you and likewise boomerangs back to you. There is no excuse for anybody not knowing how to help a person feel loved, appreciated and cared for.

As I said, regardless of how your lifestyle is, how busy it is and whether you have a career or not, if you both neglect to make sure this happens your relationship will start to develop cracks where joy runs away from you both.

Men

Likewise, men you have a specific role to play and that is creating the feeling of safety and security.

Important disclaimer if your relationship is troubled or not meeting your needs

When you observe nature's way of 'birthing' (and the most fundamental metaphor in terms of a union between men and women) it first takes the commitment of the male and female to agree on the birthing of joy and life and then they each do their initial part. This is in practical terms the same as a man and woman coming together to agree they want to have a relationship and then moving in together; it is the act of 'marrying' the two dynamics.

If either party does not provide their natural gifted contributions, the dynamic fails on its delivery of 'nurturing' and 'security and provision' for BOTH people.

You see the fact is that we ALL need to feel 'loved and safe' and these two fundamental needs have been proven to be required for a human to flourish in life.

However, regardless of the fact that a man focuses on providing safety and security and a woman focuses on self esteem, loving and nuturing, each person will be nourished by both of these fundamental emotional needs! That's the essential beauty of benefits of a team... continued

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